Recently I’ve been thinking about how often I google stuff and pass it off as my own knowledge. It’s so easy to do and the random basic websites that pop us, especially when I google really basic Jewish stuff, like the names of holy days, are such important resources in my life. That seems a little embarrassing to me when I type it but, like George Washington, I cannot tell a lie.
Being a Jew in a primarily non-Jewish environment means that I often get cast in the role of Person Who Shall Educate. This usually happens because people know I’m Jewish and want to learn about Judaism and validate me and my existence. While I appreciate the intent, often the impact can be intense.
Occasionally it feels like a burden and I have to remind myself that transformative change happens slowly and not by me standing up and shouting, “Go look it up your damn self unless you are going to pay me to be your tutor!” Of course, sometimes I feel really good about sharing whatever information I posses, especially when I actually have something interesting and knowledgeable to offer. Yet when I have no idea how to answer the question, I can feel humiliated. If I can’t be Expert Jew, after all, I must be Fake Jew. This may (or may not) seem pretty simplistic, but these categories do exist-- and not only in my insecure mind.
And so, I totally use sites like jewfaq.com and myjewishlearning.com when non-Jews ask me questions about Jewish-ness that I have no idea how to answer. Then I can look stuff up, internally merge it with my own background and knowing and pretend like religious Jewish etiquette just welled up in my soul, despite having a Dad who’s barely darkened the door of synagogue since he made his bar mitzvah.
2 comments:
I was going to post something about how when asked to "speak as" there is an essentializing that happens. But I'm tired of operating in theory stuff today. So instead I am going to say I think you are great, and I've really enjoyed talking with you especially in our Hebrew Bible class as you explore your Judaism and what it means to you. And you have really good sunglasses.
I´ve moved from the Netherlands, a very non-religious country, to Andalusia, where being a Catholic is very much alive and kicking. I´m a cultural Catholic, and back home people would turn to me if they wanted to know stuff about catholicism, but out here, I am out-Catholiced at every turn.
I learn something new all the time though!
Love the rastro in Nerja, well worth the visit!
http://www.movingtoandalusia.com/
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